Dear Men: Women Don’t Owe You Shit

The topic I would like to address today is the topic that women don’t owe men shit. I repeat, women DO NOT owe men shit. Just because you are a man does not mean that you are entitled to a woman’s body or a relationship with a woman or even just a friendship with a woman. Have any of you women reading this ever felt guilted into doing something, such as going on a date, with a man because you were scared to say or felt bad saying no? Why is it that we feel afraid to reject men? Why is it that we feel better lying to a man and saying, “I have a boyfriend” rather than just saying, “no, but thank you”? And let’s be honest, 90% of women reading this right now have used the excuse of being on their period to get out of hooking up with someone when they weren’t on their period. If you’ve never used that excuse, you know someone that has. Why can’t we just say no? Why is that not okay? It should be completely fine to say no to a man if you don’t want to do something. After all, we don’t owe men shit.

To make an educated guess, I would say that it is because of the handful of creeps out there. Recently I had an experience with someone that also attends Mizzou. I have never met this person in real life. He followed me on social media, including snapchat. He would chat me quite often and wouldn’t pick up on the hints that I wasn’t interested… So I thought. Finally, I explicitly told him I was not interested. I even went so far to say that I had a boyfriend. A lie. He didn’t care. Here are some conversations I had with said man:

Dec. 1, 2015

Him: “lol that was me that made that tweet wassup”

Him: “u so cute”

Me: “lol thanks”

Him: “let me take u out Lexi”

Me: “I’m kinda seeing someone rn”

Him: “aww I mean what about sushi”

Me: “I don’t even like sushi *laughing emoji*”

Him: “lol a movie then J I go to Mizzou btw”

Me: “idk I really like this guy”

Him: “give it a try I’m sure we will clique”

Him: “if you guys were together then I would care but in this case let me take u out and spoil u a lil”

Him: “Lexi”

Him: “hmmm what’s your #”

Me: “well we kind of are together lol”

Him: “lol it’s no kinda babe stop haha #”

Him: “if you were mine there would be no doubt or kinda you’d know from how I’d treat u ya know lol”

Me: “yeah but he’s good to me too and I like him”

Him: “well I don’t know about other dudes that’s not my game to speak on another guy I just know you[‘re] beautiful and I know what I could do”

Me: “well thanks I appreciate the thought”

Him: “I make a lot of money off twitter so we making a lot currently”

Him: “I’m premed biology so I’m here permanently”

Him: “left Michigan stuff in Michigan haha but enough about me I wanna know about u hmm care to talk? If u decide to text me then u text me”

Him: “so is that ok beautiful”

Dec. 2nd, 2015

Him: “so can I get a chance?”

Him: *sends me pics of his body* (totally not douche-y at all dude!!!)

Him: “wassup”

Him: “guess u made up your mind”

Dec. 4th, 2015

Him: “bf?”

Him: “so when can I take u out”

Dec. 7th, 2015

Him: “yo”

Dec. 9th, 2015

Him: “thank me for the RTs lol”

Me: “thanks”

Him: “lol so let me take u out Lexi”

Dec. 10th, 2015

Him: “Lexi me u date”

Dec. 11th, 2015

Him: “let me change your life damn Lexi babe”

Him: “come to (enter his housing complex name here) lets drink at the Jacuzzi”

Him: “you up for it tonight on some chill shit?”

Dec. 17th, 2015

Him: “come suck my dick”

Me: “I have a boyfriend leave me alone” (remember how previously he said he would care if I was actually with someone? Spoiler alert, he didn’t care after I said this)

Him: “lol fuck him he ain’t me he ain’t rich he ain’t premed so fuck him”

Dec. 19th, 2015

Him: “u in como”

Dec. 25th, 2015

Him: “lol I’ll take u back”

Him: “real shit where u at haha”

Him: “everything alright tho?”

Dec. 27th, 2015

Him: “wanna drink I’m in como haha”

Me: “no I want you to leave me alone”

Him: “lmao damn why u going hard”

Dec. 29th, 2015

Him: “get ready gonna send a limo to scoop u”

Him: “romantic night u down”

Me: “my boyfriend is in town”

Him: “soooo”

Him: “lol”

Him: “what that mean” (so respectful, amirite ladies!)

Me: “I’m spending time w him?? And I told you to leave me alone so why haven’t you? Idk how  much more clear I can be that I’m not interested?”

Him: “I mean you[‘re] interested let’s be real look at me” (he is “premed” and doesn’t know the difference between you’re and your. Unreal!)

Me: “I’m really not interested goodbye”

Him: “smh yea you[‘re] missing your blessing here”

Jan. 5th, 2016

Him: “lets watch Netflix and Jacuzzi u down I have a Jacuzzi”

Me: “NO IM NOT DOWN I WILL NEVER BE DOWN LEAVE ME ALONE”

Him: “its just as friends realx.. -__-“

Me: “idc I don’t want to hang out with you at all ever no matter the circumstance ok”

Him: “cause I’m black hm ok I get it” (of course he pulls this card, because it definitely is not the fact that he doesn’t understand what “leave me alone” or “I have a boyfriend” means)

Him: “bet”

Me: “because you’re creepy and can’t take a hint and don’t understand me when I say LEAVE ME ALONE. That means don’t snapchat me ever okay f off”

Him: “whatever racist”

If it really takes someone thinking I am a racist to get them to finally leave me alone after that harassment, then I don’t even care anymore. It is absolutely ridiculous that any human-being would think that this sort of behavior is okay. It blows my mind that I tried to let him down softly at first and when that didn’t work I had to resort to the “I have a boyfriend” lie. I really was seeing someone at the time when he first approached me. But I was nice about it. Then I had to straight up lie and say I was hanging out with my boyfriend. He said earlier that he would care if I was actually with someone, but he clearly did not care seeing as he kept asking to take me out and hook up with him. That is absolutely disgusting in my opinion and so messed up.

Men like this one are the reason that we feel we have to lie from the start if we are not interested in them. Ladies, it is okay to not be interested in every man that is interested in you. That is just a part of life. Similarly, women, every man you are interested in may not be interested in you. Which is okay. But some people make it feel like it isn’t okay. Don’t take it personally if someone is not interested in you. Just be respectful and move on.

No one is entitled to your body. Not some random guy in a bar that you’ve never met. Not some dude that took you on a date and paid for your meal. Not your boyfriend and not your husband. No one. No one can control you but you. You have the right to say no. You don’t want to go on a date with that kid from Tinder? Say no. You don’t want to hook up with someone on the first date? Say no. He should be taking you on a date in hopes to get to know you, not in hopes to get laid. You don’t feel like having sex with your husband tonight? Say no. Just because you are married does not mean that you have to have sex with him every time he wants to, and he shouldn’t pout about it or try to pressure you into it. No one should pressure you into anything you don’t want to do. Men these days need to keep in mind that the woman is always in charge. We truly have all the power and we call the shots. Some males don’t care for this concept and some of these men are the ones that will drug, rape, pressure you, etc. These type of men are dangerous and are men we should avoid at all costs. Sometimes they are difficult to weave out, but if you ever feel uncomfortable with something that a man is telling you to do, speak up. Do not be silent.

Men: if a lady is silent when you are asking her to have sex, take that as a no. If she is silent when you ask her on a date (aka if she reads your texts and doesn’t respond), take that as a no. Take everything that isn’t a “yes” as a no. We aren’t always clear but usually if we like you and really want to do something, you will be aware that we really want to do it. If we don’t seem the least bit excited, make sure about 100 times that we are okay with it and want to do it. And if we explicitly say no or tell you to leave us alone, please understand that and move on. I’m not sure why that is so complicated. And if worse comes to worse, ask one of her friends how she feels about something first, because they sure as hell have gotten screenshots of the things you’ve said, and if not, they have definitely heard about you—whether she totally likes you and wants you or if she thinks you’re totally creepy and wants you to disappear.

Finally, ladies, keep in mind that not every guy is like this and there are some (very rare) sweet guys out there. Remember that you have to kiss a thousand frogs before you find your prince charming. In the meantime, just say no. Saying no is okay, let’s make that a thing again. And if “no” gets you nowhere, then I suggest blocking the dude because the harassment is not worth your time. We don’t owe men shit. 

Comments, questions or concerns? Leave a comment or email me at RSSTresist@gmail.com. Or if you know me personally (or know of me), feel free to reach out to me individually if you would like!

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