Living with PTSD

PTSD. Post traumatic stress disorder. The worst part of getting raped. The aftermath of being raped is the worst part of being raped in so many victim’s opinions.

PTSD

(militarycounselingcenter.com owns this picture)

Recently, I talked to a doctor about what I went through and she made the diagnosis. Another mental illness to go with my anxiety. We talked about how because of what happened to me, I don’t open up to people. I never have boyfriends. I never trust people. And I do not hang out with boys alone. These were things I have never really thought about. But they are all most certainly true.

This blog post is one that is very difficult for me to write and it is going to be very difficult for me to share. But I think that it is an important one. Mental health is something that many people do not like to talk about, but it is something that needs to be talked about. Especially in cases like these. Going through traumatic events in life justifies not being okay. The way that we choose to deal with what happens to us, however, is what defines us. I am not going to sit back and not talk about what’s going on with me because society tells me that I should be ashamed.

Right after the rape happened, I was depressed. I had to take medication for my depression. But I conquered that obstacle and now I am even stronger than ever before.

Now, I have been diagnosed with PTSD and this is just another obstacle I must conquer. I will make it out better than okay this time. I know that all of these things are going to make me stronger in the end and shape me into the person that I need to become.

The aftermath of going through a sexual assault is something that is going to affect you forever. And the way that I look at it is that you can let it negatively affect you or you can turn it into something positive. This is something that will forever be a piece of me and I just remember that everything happens for a reason, even though we may not know what that reason is at first, or ever. Everything will turn out just fine in the end.

Next, I want to talk about the fact that it is just never okay to take advantage of someone, no matter what. I truly believe that people who rape must have something wrong in their brains to be able to do that to someone. However, I got a screenshot of a Tweet sent to me recently that definitely made me question how sane our society is as a whole. The Tweet is a picture that reads:

“When Is Rape Okay? During a poll of high school students, Jacqueline Goodchilds asked the following question: ‘Is it all right if a male holds a female down and physically forces her to have sex if…’

 

Conditions Percentage of “yes” responses: males Percentage of “yes” responses: females
He spent a lot of money on her? 39% 12%
He is so turned on he thinks he can’t stop? 36% 21%
She has had sexual intercourse with other guys? 39% 18%
She is stoned or drunk? 39% 18%
She lets him touch her above the waist? 39% 28%
She is going to and then changes her mind? 54% 31%
She has led him on? 54% 26%
They have dated for a long time? 43% 32%
She gets him excited sexually? 51% 42%

Jacqueline Goodchilds, www.fearus.org.

 

My mind is absolutely blown that sometimes, more than half of the people polled said that it was okay, situationally, for a man to rape a woman. I cannot stress it enough, it is absolutely never okay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! No matter what. It doesn’t matter what she was wearing, how much she had to drink, if she said she would and then changed her mind, or if she led you on. It is never okay. Let’s have some self-control here, people.

Just try to keep in mind that if she absolutely does not seem even the least bit excited, she probably doesn’t want to have sex with you all that badly. And it is okay for her to change her mind about wanting to have sex with you. Just let it go and do not beg and do not plead and definitely do not force her to do anything she does not want to do. I cannot reiterate this fact enough. Keep in mind how these things may affect her for the rest of her life. You don’t want to be responsible for doing that to someone, do you?

I think this blog post is really important to read so I hope you’ve read through the whole thing and know that you can talk to me about anything you’re going through. The PTSD thing is very new to me still so if you or anyone you know with PTSD because of something similar would be okay with talking to me, that would really help me out.

As always, please let me know what I can do to help you get through things like this.

The suicide hotline number is 1 (800) 273-8255.

If you want to talk to someone about being sexually abused, call 1 (800) 656-4673.

It always gets better, I promise!

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